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A Waterton University of Technology (WUT) medical student has told his parents back home he doesn’t really want to sell the Mercedes, and that it’d be better for him if Australian taxpayers could give him some free cash instead.

Jimmy Tran, an aspiring neuro-surgeon, told his mum he likes the car too much to sell it, and it would “disrespect his honour” if he had to drive anything with a retail value below $200,000.

Jimmy was doing fine before all the Coronavirus drama, working 60 hours or more a week for cash under the table at local restaurant The Golden Pangolin, as well as running a thriving methamphetamine precursor importation business on the side.

However with both restaurants and the border closed due to COVID-19, Jimmy is fast burning through the pile of cash he keeps under the floorboards of his bedroom.



“What am I supposed to do? I only have $300,000 left?!” he shrieked to his mum and dad during their weekly WeChat catchup.

“They’re paying Kiwis, even if they’re lowly peasant workers! They should be paying me too!” he added.



“Alright. Alright! Calm down! I’ll see what I can do.” said his dad.

I should try this.My 2010 XR6 Falcon is in the garage.A full tank of petrol bought for 98c a litre and the mongrels wont let me out because I'm 75 and high risk.No V8'S,no F1,no Premier League.no rugby league or Aussie rules.My honour has been disrespected because some clown in China ate a bat.Maybe their Government should give me a Mercedes to sit in the garage beside my XR6.My dad left this Earth many years ago so perhaps his dad can pull some strings for me while he's at it.